Fears and Excitements

I am feeling scared and excited all at once. I never do well when I have a lot on my plate, and right now is no exception. I have just over a week left until I leave, and it's exciting, but it's also freaking me out. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I like to plan out my thoughts so that they make more sense. So here is a list of my current fears and my current excitements:

Fears

Making the wrong choice
Saying the wrong thing
Trusting that God knows better than I do
Being hurt emotionally
Hurting others emotionally
Using fear as an excuse so as not to have to make a decision
Meeting new people
Leaving old friends
Forgetting to pack some intrinsically important thing
Upper and Lower back problems due to asparagus farming
Arthritis problems in my wrists due to asparagus farming
Forgetting to take my medication before leaving for Guatemala
Not getting into the courses I want for next year
Leaving my mom and brother to deal with family issues alone
Allowing myself to be who God wants me to be
Allowing myself to be hurt to be strengthened
Trying at something that I can't see the outcome of right now
Having my impatience make up my mind instead of having God make up my mind

Excitements

Being done school
Getting to start my reading list!!!
Making Amanda's quilt
Campfires on the beach
Friends coming to visit me
Bradley's cardigan
Margeaux's fresh start
Mark's potential canadian idol status
Amanda's wedding
Almost being finished my teaching block
Meeting new friends
Having Shinanigans on the farm with Jenna
Potentially getting in shape
Having alone time with God
Climbing mountains
Doing God's will

My fears seem to outweigh my excitements. I'm scared to move on, scared to leave the comfort of my shell. In all aspects of my life, I find it hard to move forward. I've made this space for myself, a life that is comfortable. It is filled with love and joy and ease. I don't get hurt, I don't get lonely, I don't get challenged (other than by myself). How can I detatch myself from my comfort? In what ways am I supposed to? I hope beyond all hopes that this trip will clear the fog in my head; I pray that it will open my eyes to the decisions I face right now, but maybe also to the decisions that I have no idea about yet.

9 more days till it all begins and ends.