The morning after

So, since I have internet access that does not take 1/2 an hour to load, I figured I would make the most of it and attempt to collect my thoughts at 8 in the morning. This should not be a challenging task since Jenna and I tend to have our most serious and thought-provoking convorsations done and over with before 9 o'clock rolls around.

Yesterday, Amanda Jane Hill became Amanda Jane Stoner. The girl I have spent most of my laughs and tears and "photo shoots" with is now in a completely new stage of life, and has become a new woman. I haven't been to a full wedding since I was 11 years old, and so the only vision I had for what this wedding might be like was something of a collaboration of "my best friends wedding" "runaway bride" and other such idyllistic, hollywood-style wedding scenarios featuring Julia Roberts that give women warped perceptions of love and relationships. To my surprise then, the entire event went more quickly than I ever could have anticipated, and it made me realize that weddings are more about photos than about the event itself. The entire day is spent trying to capture creative ways to remember it. It is a memory even as it is occuring. Myself being inclined to photography was certainly enjoying taking photos much more than just enjoying the day itself.

We seem to talk a lot about marriage at "the ark" (the renovated church I am staying at with my 11 new compadres), males and females alike. I dont' actually think I've talked so much about weddings since I was a naieve teenager who thought that if I wasn't married by 24 and having babies by 27, life would just not be worth living. I think it's a dangerous practice to romantisize about a life that you cannot possibly anticipate. It seems, nonetheless, to be a frequent hobby of mine. However, I tend to romanticize not just ONE scenario for my life, but many many multiples of scenarios, and in this way, I believe I save myself from the heartache of dreams unrealized. I am excited for pretty much any avenue my heavenly father wishes to guide me down, and though it is hard to let go of the other 20 or so dreams that will not come true as I venture down just one, I know that God is with me, and that is sufficient.

I was blessed to have an amazing God moment last night in the few minutes before I left the reception yesterday. I realize this blog is getting long so bare with me. As I was saying my goodbyes to Travis, one of the groomsmen and an amazing man of God, the Lord just seemed to be so present in the things we were speaking about, and this thought arose out of me during our convorsation:

The work that I'm doing on the asparagus barn is not glamorous. My soul cries out for more when I am trapped on the line, doing the same motion over and over. My spirit is often suffocated, and at first I was quite sure that I would have to quit. But I am a person who tries to take joy in the hard times, for I know that God is strengthening me, and that he does not give us tasks we cannot handle. I realized in that moment with Travis that the contrast between the soul-sucking nature of the asparagus barn, and the awe-inspiring landscape I find myself situated in when I leave each day has heightened my appreciation for the beauty that surrounds me. I have started a "list of beautiful things", as I am often overwhelmed by the beauty I am finding in moments these days. I find beauty in nature, I find beauty in literature, I find beauty in people, I find beauty in music, I find beauty in silence. What a blessing it is to rediscover the romance that God has placed all around me. I realize so much more strongly now that we must have contrast in order to be appreciative. I hope others at the ark are finding solace in this fact as well.

An accumulation of moments in the span of 2 weeks

Productive boredom
wavering apathy
Edge of the plateau
peering over into irony

Strained backs
life lines
Edge of the couch
wondering how to fill the time

Wild flowers
Rubber bands
Grazed knuckles
holding hands

Toothpick holders
Grocery lists
Jumping turbine shadows
in the afternoon mist

Machine-like movements
Accordion cases
Unknown ages
of weathered faces

Boredom is the mother of creativity/Group inspiration

So, as Jenna put it so perfectly yesterday, the past few days have certainly felt like we have been babysitting ourselves. The list below backs up my claim that boredom is truly the mother of creativity/invention. Also, this may be a clear sign that I have a.d.d.
Sand-dune jumping
Picture taking
Kite Flying
Badminton playing
Many games of pool
Picture-drawing game where you combine two animals into one (my personal invention for the week)
hoola-hoop contest
Collective story-writing game
Campfire on the beach
Road trip to haunted house
Several games of balderdash
100+ pages of a book read
incredibly artistic fruit and sushi platters
Frizbee
Buffalo farm
Making a "pin the horn on the blinged-out-unicorn" game
and most recently, watching one of my favorite movies, The Science of Sleep
(followed directly afterwards by the craft described below)

I sit here alone at a grand wooden table fit for 14 or more people, listening to Regina Spektor sing about a den of thieves. Everyone is asleep, and although I would like to sing along out loud, I'm afraid I may wake someone, although on second thought, since the 4 of us who stayed up late were not 10 minutes ago talking freely and making noise, I suppose I shouldn't worry.

I'm feeling gentle admiration for the adaptability of human beings right now. I marvel at how 12 nearly-strangers can settle in so quickly and become a functioning unit. 4 of us girls just stayed up after the movie was over, and feeling inspired decided to make a diorama (weird that that word has come up more than once today) of boats with forests in them. They are all currently sitting on a lake of tin foil in the middle of the table, about to collide with an orange crushed pop can glacier. How wonderful to be so inspired as a group.

Jenna and I discussed this evening our longing to find a group of people back home that have the same goals, the same dreams, the same inspirations as we do, in respect to God's calling on our lives. We both agree that it is nearly impossible to pursue a radical, Jesus-following lifestyle on one's own. I know I've said it before but I'll say it again: We are a generation of talkers, of theology, of theory...what we lack is the motivation, stamina...the mojo, if you will, to "get the job done". I pray that this trip will make me better prepared to be not just a woman of words, but a woman of deeds.

I also pray that I find more productive things to do with my time...although our blinging unicorn is pretty much an AMAZING use of time.

I suppose I will head off to my room now, where I hope to have dreams similar to those I just fell in love with in that movie. Night.