The morning after

So, since I have internet access that does not take 1/2 an hour to load, I figured I would make the most of it and attempt to collect my thoughts at 8 in the morning. This should not be a challenging task since Jenna and I tend to have our most serious and thought-provoking convorsations done and over with before 9 o'clock rolls around.

Yesterday, Amanda Jane Hill became Amanda Jane Stoner. The girl I have spent most of my laughs and tears and "photo shoots" with is now in a completely new stage of life, and has become a new woman. I haven't been to a full wedding since I was 11 years old, and so the only vision I had for what this wedding might be like was something of a collaboration of "my best friends wedding" "runaway bride" and other such idyllistic, hollywood-style wedding scenarios featuring Julia Roberts that give women warped perceptions of love and relationships. To my surprise then, the entire event went more quickly than I ever could have anticipated, and it made me realize that weddings are more about photos than about the event itself. The entire day is spent trying to capture creative ways to remember it. It is a memory even as it is occuring. Myself being inclined to photography was certainly enjoying taking photos much more than just enjoying the day itself.

We seem to talk a lot about marriage at "the ark" (the renovated church I am staying at with my 11 new compadres), males and females alike. I dont' actually think I've talked so much about weddings since I was a naieve teenager who thought that if I wasn't married by 24 and having babies by 27, life would just not be worth living. I think it's a dangerous practice to romantisize about a life that you cannot possibly anticipate. It seems, nonetheless, to be a frequent hobby of mine. However, I tend to romanticize not just ONE scenario for my life, but many many multiples of scenarios, and in this way, I believe I save myself from the heartache of dreams unrealized. I am excited for pretty much any avenue my heavenly father wishes to guide me down, and though it is hard to let go of the other 20 or so dreams that will not come true as I venture down just one, I know that God is with me, and that is sufficient.

I was blessed to have an amazing God moment last night in the few minutes before I left the reception yesterday. I realize this blog is getting long so bare with me. As I was saying my goodbyes to Travis, one of the groomsmen and an amazing man of God, the Lord just seemed to be so present in the things we were speaking about, and this thought arose out of me during our convorsation:

The work that I'm doing on the asparagus barn is not glamorous. My soul cries out for more when I am trapped on the line, doing the same motion over and over. My spirit is often suffocated, and at first I was quite sure that I would have to quit. But I am a person who tries to take joy in the hard times, for I know that God is strengthening me, and that he does not give us tasks we cannot handle. I realized in that moment with Travis that the contrast between the soul-sucking nature of the asparagus barn, and the awe-inspiring landscape I find myself situated in when I leave each day has heightened my appreciation for the beauty that surrounds me. I have started a "list of beautiful things", as I am often overwhelmed by the beauty I am finding in moments these days. I find beauty in nature, I find beauty in literature, I find beauty in people, I find beauty in music, I find beauty in silence. What a blessing it is to rediscover the romance that God has placed all around me. I realize so much more strongly now that we must have contrast in order to be appreciative. I hope others at the ark are finding solace in this fact as well.